In my experience…when a new person has asked to kiss me it has been really sexy and liberating but also at times it has been awkward, uncertain and uncomfortable.

The ways in which it has been sexy is because it allowed me to CHECK IN WITH MY BODY AND DESIRES BEFORE THE ACTION, to ensure that a kiss with this person is what i wanted or did not want.

Clarity to me is soooooo sexy!!!! it allows the mind to relax and the body to open.

It allowed me to feel vulnerable and trusting, submissive and shy and those feels are intense….intensity is a beautiful thing.

But it also allowed me to feel very safe and cared for, that the person asking is considerate enough to check in with my desires and wants. It is putting the art of CONSENT into practice and no it did not in any way put me off, in fact it turned me on even more or created a deeper respect and tenderness for the person asking.

I am open to lots of different forms of intimacy. Kissing may or may not be apart of it. There are people i want to hug lovingly, there are people i want to have energy orgasms with, there are people who i want to play with the tension and curiosity of attraction with, there are people i want to hold hands with, there are people i want to dance sensually with, there are people i want to do magic sex rituals with, there are people i want to masturbate with….but i may not want to share saliva with.

Certainly being asked to be kissed could be un sexy and i have heard of many women feeling “put off” if a man asked her to kiss her and maybe vice versa? id love to hear from the men here on the receiving side?

But really did those woman actually want to kiss that person? Has that woman had experience with what its like to have strong and clear embodied communication skills and boundaries, or has she just been conditioned by the movies we all watch where they just go in for the lip smacker?

The times i have been asked to be kissed and i’ve felt a NO in my body, these times have been a beautiful opportunity to have really deep and intimate conversations about what is going on between myself and that person…its those conversations and the clarity created that has allowed and supported the relationship i have had with that person to get greater clarity and allow the intimacy of the connection to take form in other ways.

HOW TO ASK A PERSON IF YOU CAN KISS THEM WITHOUT KILLING THE MOOD?

Don’t ask in a matter of fact tone, drop your tone of voice, express your desire, speak from your groin, speak the words i would love to kiss you in a way that is sexually embodied but loving too.

IF YOU RECEIVE A NO OR YOU FEEL THE PERSON IS NOT INITO IT OR YOUR CONFUSED ABOUT WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?

Check in and start a conversation. Ask the person how they feel about you and what is happening between you and let them no that if they are not really interested in sexual intimacy with you that thats ok, but clarity between you is much better then guessing games so you can establish what this particular relationship is.

The problem is that we are not taught about consent and conscious communication as children. We have not been taught to check in with our bodies and our wants outside of expectation. This is so dangerous and creates so much trauma in people not knowing what they really really want or how to even raise a conversation about intimacy and desire.

Whats your experience? To ask or not to ask? and why….

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